Until now, this series of Biblical Tools has focused on solutions for those who personally experience anxiety or depression.

This week's tool may help those who live alongside someone who suffers from depression — with the hope that it may ease communication, which can sometimes be so difficult.

There are many types and degrees of depression, and many different causes. No general solution works for everyone. I share here one perspective that may help someone. Needless to say, it is not meant to replace professional help where needed, but to suggest a possible complement.

Some people suffer from depression continuously, over long periods. Others receive visits from the "black dog" — as Winston Churchill called it — intermittently. They are doing very well when they're well, and very badly when they're not. Without labeling or diagnosing, I will simply describe what I've observed: sometimes the person feels motivated and capable; at other times, deeply deflated, with self-esteem at rock bottom.

As difficult as it can be to be around such unpredictable moods, it can help to understand that each state presents its own particular challenge — and opportunity — both for the person going through it and for those around them. And it helps to know the specific "language" appropriate to each state.

When the person is strong, they can be challenged and asked more of. When they are low, what they need is support, encouragement, and reminders of times they have come through similar valleys. Rather than seeing them as unpredictable, see them as multilingual. Sometimes they speak "Spanish" and sometimes "Russian" — you just need to understand which language is being spoken and respond in kind.

This idea came to me while reading the verse that opens this week's reading, Haazinu: "Listen, O heavens, and I will speak; and let the earth hear the words of my mouth."

Moses addresses both the heavens and the earth as witnesses to what he is about to say to the Jewish people before his death.

The word choices are precise. Moses uses two different verbs — ha'azinu ("listen") for the heavens, and vetishma ("hear") for the earth — and describes his own words in two different ways as well: va'adabera ("I will speak") and imrei fi ("the words of my mouth").

Our sages note that since Moses was closer to the heavens (spirituality) than to the earth, he used ha'azinu — connoting close, attentive listening — for the heavens, and vetishma — connoting hearing from a distance — for the earth.1

Embedded here is the lesson that there are two ways of receiving what someone says: hearing from a distance and listening up close. This is not primarily about physical proximity but conceptual and experiential closeness. Sometimes what someone says resonates immediately because we have been through something similar — it feels "close." Other times it sounds distant, removed from our own experience. When you listen to a loved one, pay attention to whether you are truly listening — up close — or merely hearing words from a distance.

As for how to respond: there are also two registers. Dibur denotes firm, direct language; amira denotes gentle, soft language. An example of this distinction appears in how G‑d instructed Moses to speak to the Jewish people about receiving the Torah: "Thus shall you say to the house of Jacob, and speak to the children of Israel."2 The house of Jacob refers to the women; the children of Israel, to the men. Beyond the instruction to speak to the women first — a great practical lesson in itself — G‑d specified a different register for each: gentle words (tomar) for the women, and stronger words (vetageid) for the men.

The tool for this week: Think carefully before deciding what to say and how to say it. And before that — check whether you are truly listening, or only hearing.